the gift of praise

Just at the time when I have been doubting my own gifts, abilities, relevancy, and calling, I have been humbled and lifted up by the willingness of others to step out and advocate for me.

I find it difficult to see myself clearly right now. And yet, it’s always amazing when other people see you better than you can see yourself. People have the power to name light in you, even when you struggle to really believe and own it for yourself.

I just got to read a really beautiful recommendation on my behalf for graduate school this morning (my recommender prefers others to see what he writes about them to others – I like that integrity, I wonder if I could have it myself?)

The funny thing is how reading the recommendation made me feel. I felt encouraged, affirmed, accurately seen, and ultimately humbled by the ways that I had influenced others by just being who I am and living my life. Normally, it feels like I don’t know what I’m doing and how the different pieces of my life add up and whether it really matters, but it was nice to see that from an outside perspective the pattern of my life does make sense. My desire to live into complexity and enter into suffering, to be a reconciling force, is worth owning. I am living out what I love. And the Spirit which invigorates me is present and visible. That’s all I could ever hope for.

It’s nice to be seen.

What’s interesting is that I trust the perspective of my writer. That makes all the difference in the world. When you know the character and integrity of another and you trust them to honestly assess you, praise feels good. It’s a gift.

The most encouraging thing about the graduate school process – no matter what happens – is I’ve received so much honest support, encouragement, and advocacy from people I really respect. The type of support that I know would not be given if others did not believe in me. I’ve had a hard time feeling fully seen by my current community, but I’m blown away by people half-way across the country stepping up to bat for me; seeing me in ways that I have struggled to see myself the last year; reminding me of all that I carry within me; helping me connect past, present, and future. If any of my friends are reading this…THANK YOU!

It’s all reminded me again about the power of advocacy, but honest advocacy. I have to confess sometimes – especially in my work with students – I’m tempted to overpraise or to name something that is not there while at the same time not asking for responsibility and accountability. I’ve realized that this harms more than it helps. It cheapens the power of real affirmation and advocacy, and it doesn’t lend itself to empowerment. It’s also led to some disturbing lapses of judgment on my part. I know when this happens, my praise and affirmation has become more about my own ego or feeling needed, than a genuine desire to honestly help guide, mentor, and see the success of my students.

So, it’s important to guard praise carefully, to offer it generously when needed, and to go the extra mile for those you believe in. That’s at least the principle I’m trying to live out every day as work with students. And I have to say, I’m thankful for those who have modeled this to me. I’m grateful that when their praise has come it’s honest, it means something, I can trust it, and I can know that it’s for my benefit (not theirs).That’s the best gift in the whole world.

It makes me want to pass it on...actually, it makes me excited for future opportunities to use my influence to empower and support others. and it reminds me that I have those opportunities right now if I am careful and discerning.