Lilly Graduate Fellows Program

I'm off to Indiana to interview for the Lilly Graduate Fellows Program!

At a time when I'm feeling burnt out on on Christian higher education, this has been a good - but difficult - opportunity to reflect on my sense of vocation. Preparing for the interview has been an exercise in rediscovering what's really important. As tempting as it might be to look at this program as an opportunity for legitimacy, I don't need the Lilly Foundation to bless my work and deem it appropriate. At the same time, this could be a really cool chance to connect with like-minded mentors and peers. So, we'll see what happens!

Happy Easter

It's been a wonderful week of food.



On Monday, I decided to bring to our monthly potluck
* fresh strawberries, & vanilla ice cream topped with a balsamic reduction *

This was partially inspired by my recent visit to Molly Moon's ice cream shop in Seattle. Her balsamic strawberry ice cream is amazing~I have never made balsamic reduction before, but it turned out great. Than and I loved how the acidity of the vinegar brought out the natural sweetness of the strawberries and added an extra kick to our ice cream.

Then, for Easter lunch, I made my fantasy birthday deserts.

Greek Yogurt & Lavender Cheesecake (above)

Chocolate-Honey Tart
This tart is soooooo eaay and delicious. Check out the linked recipe.
Coincidentally, the recipes also calls for lavender

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Finally, Than and I celebrating Easter at our friend's Rich and Christine's.
Than is holding the cutest baby at Porchlight!

living in prayer

My Lenten exercises have fallen by the wayside and I ask with Paul – why is that what I want to do, I cannot do?

My ideals are never reached – sabotaged by laziness, sloth, love of pleasure.

I’ve been reflecting a lot recently on work, or rather vocation. It’s clear that there is an intimate connection between the words discipline and discipleship. Now, obviously these two words come from the same root, but recently I feel this intimacy as I pursue my chosen discipline – religious studies – and at the same time ask: what does it mean to follow?

I would estimate that 90% of my work to apply to graduate school involved the unseen emotional/mental/spiritual work of overcoming voices of fear, shame, despondency or rather continuing to press forward despite those voices. Pursuing one's passion in a spirit of hope really is a working-out process, a constant confrontation with false selves and false idols.

What keeps me going is a trust that the work matters, despite how I may or may not feel.
There are moments of crystal clarity when everything seems to make sense. Those are few and far between. More often, I find myself in a sea of ambiguity, searching for words, phrases, ideas, and images to guide me on the yet uncharted path ahead. It is in those moments that I wonder: did you lead me into this wilderness to die? Was the clarity I felt a grand delusion, a mockery, a farce? How is it that some seem to know so clearly what it is they want --- and my knowledge is always, at best, partial?

Certainty has never been my companion, but faith has. Faith has rescued and carried me through. But what if faith is just a construct to provide meaning and order in our lives --- a sense of plan --- when life is most chaotic and unpredictable?

I can’t say, but I will close with one of my favorite prayers from Thomas Merton, who like me was a doubter and yet could not stop seeking.

dreaming in green

news you can use

My netflix account is telling me that Than and I have a penchant for independent mockumentaries, dark political dramas, critially aclaimed romantic action and adventure, visually striking exciting military movies, and science-fiction and fantasies.


Psychoanalyse that!

Mousey & Basil