converting to atheism and back again

New Statesman - Why I believe again

Really lovely quote in this longer piece in the New Statesman about the journey from doubt - to unbelief - to belief. The article profiles A N Wilson, once a religious man turned atheist, who is now slowly grasping back to God again.

"The existence of language is one of the many phenomena – of which love and music are the two strongest – which suggest that human beings are very much more than collections of meat. They convince me that we are spiritual beings, and that the religion of the incarnation, asserting that God made humanity in His image, and continually restores humanity in His image, is simply true. "

His suspicion of "conversion," in his case to atheism, rings true with my own experiences. The q & a portion is also quite interesting. Wilson says his fear of death pushed him back to God.

institutional privilege

A new thought: maybe instead of talking about institutional racism we should change our terminology and start talking about institutional privilege.

I've been thinking a lot these days about how it's a question of priority - I want to change tactics and start drawing attention to how institutions prioritize the needs or desires of certain groups or individuals over others based on their culture/race/ethnicity.

We are never going to completely remove systems of power, but power should be used on behalf of and for all.

perfect day

It’s a perfect cloudy Saturday morning. Everything is quiet – except for the sound of our mouse Basil running on his wheel and the lone cry of a bird outside. It’s the first time in a long time where everything feels right in the world.

Of course, everything is not right in the world. News of bombs in Iraq yesterday broke through my thick wall of violence fatigue. Glimmers of anger surfaced: how can they kill their own citizens? The world is on edge to see what will happen in Pakistan. And I wonder what the victory of Jacob Zuma in South Africa will mean for the future of Africa. Meanwhile, death and grief touch those I love.

But in my corner of the world, things are ok. I know three things: I am quitting my job at the end of May, in a little over a month I’ll be in South Africa, and in August I will start taking classes again. Our perfect plan of going to graduate school together hasn’t panned out, and yet, in times where there are big gaps, holes and question marks, I find myself feeling strangely free.

God has been so faithful to us. I often wonder, in seeking meaning and purpose in my life, if I construct this sense of God’s presence as a way to cope with chaos and uncertainty. Who knows? The truth is that looking back we have been so taken care of these last two years. Every need has been provided for and beyond.

And now, once again, we are moving into the great unknown. With a limited amount of money in our savings, we are following our dreams to Africa and hoping that not only will Than find a job next year but that a way will open up for him to pursue PHD work – in Houston or elsewhere. And I am preparing to enter a PHD program in a field still somewhat obscure to me: religious studies. The dissertation is still a long way off, but I can’t help wonder what will take shape. What will I devote myself to studying and writing about? What ideas will capture my imagination and just not let go? How will this next season connect with all my past seasons? What new threads and long forgotten ones will emerge?

at home

tortured nation

Divisions Arose on Rough Tactics for Qaeda Figure - NYTimes.com

Only one of the MANY articles this week realized on US interrogations and torture. I feel so sick when I read first-hand accounts of torture and waterboarding. Sicker than I felt 4 years ago when I was protesting but we only had rumors. Now, we have proof and testimony and paper trails that show this was not isolated instances but an overall strategy supported by the Bush administration.

I'm conflicted on the issue of justice... what should be done?